It’s not as bad as you imagine, but let’s entertain your paranoia for a minute. What if you are not well-liked at work? You have two options. You can care. You can also not care.
Considering you’re reading this blog, let’s assume you’re in the caring category. The good news is, you are already on the right path to correcting this problem. Keep reading.
You can’t force people to like you, but you can get them to not hate you. Over time, they may come your way, but what matters more is that you’ll know you’ve done everything to better the situation.
Nobody is liked by everyone. Even Gandhi had the British. This is more about you and how you feel about yourself.
Let’s break this down to three things you may be doing, but more importantly, what you can do to fix these faults.
This is gonna drive you nuts, but you complain. You know how I know? That woman you work with who’s always complaining? She told me. She spent half an hour complaining to me about how much you complain.
The irony, right?
The problem with complaining is it’s like an itch. You can’t resist scratching it. You think one good pass will beat back the problem, rendering it beaten, but you’re so wrong.
That little swipe of emotions is all the complaint monster needed to start itching again. It’s an endless pursuit.
What’s more, others can’t resist joining in, even if they hate to hear you complain, even though they hate to hear it from their own mouths. You’re both pulled into an itchy black hole of complaints that only ends when the shift ends.
Do this instead: Change the subject. When you hear yourself or someone else complain, ask about a popular show, a viral video, a song, an upcoming holiday, anything. The other person may try to resist the complaint. Don’t shame them. Ignore it. Go back to the subject or find yet another. Keep the conversation moving until both your minds get off the complaints.
If the first person you lie to is yourself, then how are you ever supposed to know if you’re lying? Let that sink in…
We’re talking about omitting facts, twisting the details, and fabricating facts. You know when you’re lying.
Like complaining, one begets another, but this one is more sinister. This is a dark pathway down which you will only find yourself more withdrawn.
If it’s bad, seek professional help. If you’re just playing dumb or not 100% genuine, then you have to stop. People tolerate your behavior, but they talk about you when you’re not there.
They may not even know what they don’t like about you, but it’s 100% about your lack genuine communication.
Do this instead: Stopping this nonsense would be a good place to start. There is a way to stop yourself mid-sentence and confess with a dark sense of self-knowledge, “What am I saying? That never happened.” If it’s chronic, there’s likely something serious going on with your self-perception. Get help.
This isn’t about gifts or money. It’s about giving of your time and energy. Nothing will get people to like you faster than giving of yourself, even if they are suspicious at first.
In a world where we work tirelessly for our due, we often forget the value of altruism. There is nothing virtuous about altruism, despite what people may tell you.
Don’t give because it’s virtuous. Give of yourself because you genuinely want to, even if your deeper motivation is to make people like you.
There is nothing wrong with that. When they ask why you’re helping, answer without batting an eyelash, “because I want you to like me.”
Do this instead: Cover shifts. Offer to help with workloads whenever you can, without shirking the due diligences of your job. Let your boss know through your actions that you are above no task. Go home exhausted. Be grateful for the opportunity to earn a good night’s rest.
You may be a complaining, lying, non-giver, but somehow, still have friends at work. It may even last for awhile, but it won’t last forever. People will see through your facade.
If you feel you could make improvements in these areas, then get to work. Don’t tell anybody you’re working on these things. Show them through your actions.
Depending on how long you’ve been trudging down this dark pathway, this may be the way you leave this job without nuking the bridge. This may be the training ground for your next job.